watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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