well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize