Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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