i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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