My room smells like vodka and shame
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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