You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
