Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
