1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
