There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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