the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
