she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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