So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
