it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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