wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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