The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
