You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
