Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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