Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
