on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
