Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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