Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
