bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
