I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
