The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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