There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I faked an abortion last night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
