i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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