When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
