You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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