she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
