pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
