she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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