no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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