I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
