i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
