I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
