Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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