I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
