Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
