this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
