I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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