I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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