Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
