Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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