i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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