YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
