You made me cry and you don't even care
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
