Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
