And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
