youre lurking in front of me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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