I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
