They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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