she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
